So typically I’m a girl who absolutely loves the New Year. Something about the holidays running into the New Year lights the fire for my January birthday. I have my own set of traditions which include looking through my old journals, evaluating my previously achieved goals, and making new plans for the upcoming year. Just about every year in the past, the New Year has always energized my activator / achiever ENFP personality.
This year wasn’t that way.
2014 tested me physically, spiritually, and emotionally. By the end, I felt so stretched for any remote speck of positivity and hope. The girl who inspires change found herself exhausted and battling major depression. Waking up and facing the day was draining and discouraging on its own. For the first time in my life, I actually began to doubt that tomorrow would get better. No amount of resolutions could fix it. No new plan could take away what I was experiencing. I had to look for salvation, redemption, in a more desperate way than ever.
Getting through dark times isn’t a piece of cake, or a walk in the park, and being placated by “the sun will come out tomorrow” tends to be more annoying than it is encouraging. Day by day and night by night you tread on, leaning on the shoulders of kind and dear souls who care about you and want to help you to make it through.
As I was anticipating the New Year, I was pretty bummed by all the excitement and hype. I didn’t really know what to do with the angst. And that’s when I realized how to proceed.
So rather than writing about the New Year, and a Yearly recap, I decided to write a different kind of post:
To all the lovers who had their hearts broken; To all the risk takers who gambled and lost more than they wagered; To all the boundary pushers who got burned by the status quo; To all the dreamers who reached and fell short; To all the achievers who found themselves overtaken by debilitating illness; To all the faithful who pray daily and find the only answer to be “no” or “not now”…
It’s ok to not be happy about a new year. It’s ok to be irritated by the joyous and hopeful go-getters who may not have experienced the depth of loss, of grief, of pain, of challenge as you have. It’s ok to wonder if you will make it.
Don’t. Give. Up.
I want you to do something: Take a deep breath.
And keep breathing.
Just keep breathing.
You aren’t alone.
You’re still here.
If you can’t make it through the day, start with the moment.
You may be at your end, but you’re not vanquished..
You may feel lost but you won’t be here forever.
In the words of Taylor Swift, “Right when I was drowning, that’s when I could finally breathe.”
I can’t promise you tomorrow will be better. But I can tell you what I’ve been leaning on myself:
Darkness cannot overcome light.
The light will always overcome the darkness.
It may not be today. It may not be tomorrow. It may not be the next week or the next month.
But hold to the promise of John 1:14; “The light shines in the darkness; and the darkness cannot overcome it.”
You don’t have to be happy about a New Year. But when nothing else gets you through, when you can’t look forward to anything, and when all hope is gone, trust that.
Because, eventually, the sun w.i.l.l. come out tomorrow.
And 2015 is the year that you. will. make. it.
[If you need some encouragement or a place to get challenged and inspired for your 2015 dreams and goals, join a new 30 day FB challenge I’m hosting with my friend Erin from Sixth Bloom. We would be happy to cheer you on! Sign up for my email list through January 10th o get in on this exclusive group!]